…and onto the vacation train
I did not fall. I jumped! The difference being actually choosing to partake rather than being overwhelmed by temptation or desire. Or so I told myself…
I had looked forward to friday night as a reprieve from this diet. I was going to join in celebrating a friend’s birthday and I was going to eat and drink! Yay!! As the evening drew closer, I actually thought to myself that I could do without the food but would love a drink so planned to have my soup and maybe a meal bar while others ate. What I didn’t plan for was as soon as I had a drink (which was absolutely delicious by the way), I wanted another, and before I knew it, all my “plans” went out the window. I ended up not only drinking more than I should have, I ate without thought and basically lost all control (thank you alcohol…).
I’ve always thought it was better to plan a “vacation” from dieting rather than unexpectedly giving into a craving or desire. The latter comes with a host of feelings like guilt and incompetence which, more times than not, lead to more destructive behavior whereas the former allows me to really enjoy the sabbatical and hop back on the wagon reenergized and recommitted (or so I like to tell myself).
But what I learned this week was that it’s not enough to plan the vacation—I have to plan my behavior as well. I have to actually lay out the rules of the vacation and strategize around how I will stick to them.
The point of taking a vacation shouldn’t be an excuse to abuse myself. It should be a treat, something I thoroughly enjoy and won’t regret the next day—and while I had a wonderful and fun time celebrating my friend’s birthday with a group of awesome women, I woke up the next day feeling like I had neglected, and to a certain degree, betrayed myself. It was far from the kind of caring and nurturing of myself that I would like to instill in this new me.
So yes, I will plan another vacation but next time I hope I can figure out how to take that vacation without leaving myself in the dust.
Illustration by racheal mccosh